They built the treadmill for him. How do you think your leg’s gonna hold up? ... "The Graze" from 'Stay Hungry'. Go back. [laughter] Sawdust. I’m sorry. He had like a water backpack… [laughter] …like, that you would see in the desert. Not one word of English, nothing. Maybe. My wife’s Jewish. Chapter 2 Who Is Your Hero?
Like, ‘We’re pregnant.’ [laughter] Put it on Facebook… Are you guys gonna do that?” [laughter] I said, “No, we’re just gonna tell people. Why– why is it okay to just bring the dog, a parrot.
[laughter] Now, I walk in, right? My wife’s car never got gas. That was not such a stretch. She was like, “Hey, I found this in your room. I–” [laughter] So, here I am, 3:00 a.m., in my underwear… [laughter] …with the tube up my daughter… [sucking] [laughter] My wife’s like, “What’s wrong?” She goes, “There’s supposed to be a filter.” I go, “There’s no filter. Copyright owners may, if they wish, request to have material removed by leaving a comment on the relevant page.The materials archived, stored, and presented here, are copyrighted by their respective contributors, and may not be saved, re-transmitted, republished, or reformatted by any means, electronic or mechanical. He’s like, “I’ll come and help you.” I go, “Dad, that’s all right, you know. And now we got a little baby. Wedding season is just around the corner. My wife is always happy. I– [laughter] What are you guys gonna do here with the floor?” “Oh, with the floor? They build, like, a deck on the weekend. I’m gonna die tonight. [laughter] When I graduated college, I couldn’t tell my father, “Dad, I’m gonna go to Europe to go find myself.” [laughter] “What do you mean, go find yourself? It’s like a bullet you put in the nostril and there’s a hose attached, and you’re at the other end. What? I’m, uh… I’m looking for a chingadera for the side.” [laughter] “No, he told me it was a chingadera for the side. CHAPTER 2 Harry Potter and the Spawn of the Boomers The baby boomers are the most spoiled, most self-centered, most narcissistic generation the country’s ever produced. It’s all good, though.
I gotta ask questions. What is this? That’s all people knew how to do, was to punch.
my shoulders are numb my fingertips. [laughter] No son of mine is gonna do that in my house.” [laughter]My wife’s side is so different, man. I– I got married five years ago. My wife, Lana, and I go to every new restaurant in L.A., where we live, and travel to a variety of restaurants all over the world.
Can you turn it down? Don't go to Vegas for a bachelors party with 10 of your cheapest friends... or else. Just do what you’re told. Sebastian Maniscalco: Stay Hungry (2019) – Full Transcript admin 2019-02-13T14:20:45+00:00 January 29th, 2019 | COMEDY | [instrumental music plays] ♪ All right ♪ [screeching] [cheering and applause] Beautiful New York City. I don’t do quick bites, drive-thrus, or eat at a stoplight. [laughter] Dial 911 on that phone. If you told me right now, what way… I have no idea. What are you gonna do, fix it at your garage? I'm bleeding out of my mouth.
You go to a body shop, everybody comes out, the whole– the whole garage. I have breakfast, lunch, and dinner, with multiple snacks in between. [laughter]And it’s– it’s unbelievable to see the actual birth, because they bring the baby out, they bring it out, and then no one told me a bunch of other stuff… [laughter] Just– I got hit in the head with placenta.
Now, listen. [laughter] Everybody’s really relaxed. I’m getting bothered. If I don’t know something, I don’t ask. The pay was crap, but my dad said it would “build character,” so there I was. There’s always a guy by the Gatorades, just kind of looking at a Gatorade. Here, I–” [laughter] I’ve got to go rent a car, sign my life away on 123 pages for a Nissan Altima. My appetite is impenetrable. I got placenta, I got milk, I felt like I came out of the canal. You got no job and you’re in my house. You drink a little?” [laughter] That’s why I’m shocked to hear these parents today have no idea what their kids are doing. What the hell is going on?” [laughter]But my wife grew up, like, very athletic… She grew up in a family where they just– they have a lot of time on that side. [laughter] My whole childhood I was just like, “Okay, that’s the way men from Sicily walk.” [laughter] I asked my father one day. Fast. This is ridiculous. It’s a 45-minute class.
Right? One parent. I– [laughter] I don’t even know who I am anymore. I mean… [laughter] These MMA guys, that’s a different guy. Stand in line, looking around.
[laughter] I think I could probably buff it out. [laughter] So, my wife’s in the car. I’m like, “Guy, start your machine. -Take a look at that. But when you go… out of your neighborhood and you got to pull into some weird one at midnight. I can’t put this on.
What is this… what is that? Stay away from the southeast side.” Now, me, I don’t know southeast. My father’s like, “I’ve been depressed for 30 years!” [laughter] We just handle our problems in the house. I can’t– I can’t do this.” Already I’m upset. My dicks in your ass babe, get it out this is. Couple biceps, some chest. I’ve got buddies like this. I mean, it looks like calamari, it shouldn’t be an issue, but… [laughter] Nobody could do this?” [laughter] So then they take the baby back to my wife, and right away, my baby starts breastfeeding, and my wife starts producing milk, right? [laughter] Let alone come to my house and rehearse. Hop in the driver’s seat. I don’t– I don’t do any of this. Some candles, dimly-lit, a little Kenny G playing. Now we’ve got to give this… to this little baby.
I did that last week.
I had– I had a whole set planned. I mean, what? When– when the school sent something home, your parents signed it, and that gave you permission to do the field trip or whatever. Any copyright material mirrored on this site is intended for private personal study. She’s got a water bottle, everything’s in place. [laughter] I figure if I went to the death floor and found a priest giving last rites, I’ll ask him, “Do you want to come up to Five and baptize the Jewish baby so my mother and father get off my back?” [laughter]So, now we take the baby home. My biggest fear, getting murdered… [laughter] …at a gas station, pumping gas. Let me just make my way off the fuselage.” [laughter] What are you gonna do? He’s going to school dressed as Darth Vader.